The Weirdest Random Masters Moments

Normal Sporter No. 9

Edition No. 9 | April 5, 2023

Masters week. The ultimate marker of time in golf. I can trace the arc of my life across different Masters, which is a bit of an odd way to do such a thing, I suppose, but also an easy way to remember the most important events.

From college (ZJ) to having my first adult job (Phil) to having kids (Bubba the second time) to losing them (Willett) to more kids (Tiger) to 10 years of marriage (DJ) and on and on it goes.

When I went to my first one, I remember telling my dad, “I never want to leave.” When I left for the airport this year, my 3-year-old daughter told me, “dad, I don’t want you to leave.”

Augusta National can do a lot of things, but not even it can stop time. Which is why this second-week-in-April pillar unfailingly plays with our emotions every single year.

Because it’s beautiful and it’s spring and Tiger is hitting murderous 3-woods, yes, but even more so because we are reminded that what once was will never be again, and we are constructed as humans to have tremendous sorrow over such things. But it is through this sorrow that we are so often reminded of the glimmer of tremendous joy.

Masters week. The absolute best.

Just Dropped

The Golf Record is now live. It’s not pretty, but it does work, and you can play around with it during Masters week as you follow along. It was a labor of love to get it rolling for this week, and while it doesn’t do anywhere close to what we want it to do in the future, I hope you can see the vision of what it could be.

For example: I don’t think there’s anywhere else online you can filter all past champions of the Masters and see who shot the best (or worst) first round score. Or order all of Jordan Spieth’s career rounds from best to 2016 R4.

We’re proud that we built it and excited about what it could do at some point in the future.

Normal Moment(s)

All very routine sports stuff.

1. Five-sixteenths of an inch

The good folks at the Augusta National Golf Club are the best in the world at what they do. All of them. From the digital media crew to the kind folks running the restaurant in the media center to the agronomists to the executives, ANGC is an elite company.

So take all of that into account when I say that a press release noting that the grass making up the green surrounds is cut at five-sixteenths of an inch deeply amuses me. The Super Bowl could barely keep grass planted for its event, and Augusta wants you to know how low it keeps each blade on every Toro it owns.

Incredible sport.

2. Elon’s Next Project

This one comes courtesy of Brentley Romine. It’s an outsized golf tee at a college event that looks like something Elon Musk is going to lose $300 million on.

3. Three Quarters

The ANWA is a great event. Full stop. No notes. It rocks. HOWEVAH … imagine playing the first two periods of the Stanley Cup Final in one rink and the third period in a different rink that has different dimensions in a completely different arena. This happens at the ANWA, and we’re all like “Yeah, I mean totally makes sense, I get it,” but if it happened in ANY other sport we would think it was completely insane.

4. Skipping Shots on 16

Imagine Shohei Ohtani taking a batting tee to second base and purposefully hitting backspinny rockets off the outfield wall at Angel Stadium. Except he accidentally catches one a groove (grain?) low and all of a sudden it’s an absolute seed into the seventh row in right center. Hope you were wearing a glove.

That’s more or less what happens on 16 at Augusta during the practice rounds. Tom Kim caught one off the top of the face on Monday and hit a missile through the back of the green that could have domed somebody. Completely insane behavior that we not only write off as normal but beg for more of!

One Thing I Loved

A moment, quote, sidebar or tidbit I enjoyed thinking about this week.

This is probably stupid, but I loved Sepp Straka’s 1 on No. 12 on Monday in a practice round. It’s such a rarity on 12, and it engendered such a cool roar and reaction. Again, we’re talking about a Monday morning practice round with somebody who’s not even close to being among the favorites.

“I don't think I can top that hole-in-one,” said Straka. “That'll be a memory I'll keep forever, and yeah, just really pumped about it.”

A Monday practice round!

I think about this tweet from Soly a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

I’m not sure anything is more emblematic of the idea Soly’s proposing than somebody saying they’re going to carry a practice round 1 around with them forever. Would he say this about a 1 in the final round of the Valspar or on the second day at the Players or when you’re in the hunt in Phoenix? Maybe, but he is saying it about a Monday practice round that means nothing on the scorecard or to the bank account.

The Masters is so different than, so other than everything else that happens out here, and this little adventure on a Monday morning at perhaps the most famous par 3 on the planet was a really good reminder of that.

The Wrong Side of a Take

The “this is fine” meme but in real life.

My “Tiger wouldn’t have won as much in this era as he did in his” take went exactly as expected. That’s fine.

My thesis: Any industry in which the rewards increase by 2x or 3x will become more competitive. When that industry is also a zero-sum industry (that is, there aren’t also more tournaments to win now), then over a long period of time it becomes harder to dominate this industry.

To Tiger’s credit: This era wouldn’t be what it is financially (and thus competitively) if he didn’t exist. To argue that he would have won as much in 2023 as he did in 2003 is also to argue that you don’t think Tiger made golf 1. Richer 2. Better and 3. More competitive.

Nobody would make that argument, and thus I believe everyone actually should believe Tiger wouldn’t have won as much in this era. But, of course, nobody does.

Idea of the Week

Apparently Greg Norman wants LIV players to storm the 18th green at Augusta National if one of the boys brings home a jacket.

This is incredible for innumerable reasons, not the least of which is whatever Dustin Johnson’s reaction was to his agent or his brother or whoever told him about what Norman said.

DJ barely stuck around for his own green jacket ceremony, and now he’s expected to help Brooks carry Joaquin Niemann up the tunnel of patrons toward the clubhouse like he’s Knute Rockne!

Overheard on Twitter

An old co-worker once told me, "if someone is attractive, I discount everything they say by 50% since they've been given the benefit of the doubt their whole life." I think about that a lot. -Ben Gilbert 

Question of the Week

I asked what everybody’s favorite weird random moment from the last several Masters (the Masters Twitter era, if you will) has been.

Many people responded, and it’s worth reading through. I didn’t say it in the thread but Sergio hitting six (or whatever) in the water on 15, Bryson losing his ball, and the (still) incredible Si Woo-Charl Schwartzel “handshake” came to mind.

But I think we all know the right answer.

Media Diet

👉️ Ryan Lavner is probably the best reporter in the game right now, and his story on Sam Bennett is terrific.

👉️ Harry Potter at the Masters? In doing some (uh) very deep research on Augusta National I found that the following players have played in at least one event: Bobby Cruickshank, Jim McGonagill, Ted Potter Jr., Ed Dudley and Viktor Hovland. No Hermione or Dumbledore yet.

👉️ If you’re into how golf is presented online and on TV, this piece by James Colgan piece on media at the Masters, with a focus on Jim Nantz’s week, is terrific.

👉️ I did an AMA in the DFW airport on Monday morning. Commented on all kinds of questions, thoughts and takes. You can read it here. I also did a Twitter spaces with Shane Bacon and Gordon Sargent on Tuesday in which I hollered about grass length and asked Sargent about the most uncomfortable shot he’s had at ANGC.

👉️ This Q&A by LKD with Rory on fitness and staying healthy as a golfer is really good.

👉️ Last self-promotion here: I did a pod with the SGS boys on Monday evening in which we just started firing Sargent, No. 13 and Par 3 Contest takes. Always a delight.

The Infirmary

True sicko behavior within the golf community.

I was talking to a friend this week about a buddy of ours named Chad, and my friend was trying to clarify which Chad I was speaking about and accidentally said, “Chad Campbell?”

Maniacal behavior.

This JLM behavior is also a bit disturbing. Not sure if he needs to see the infirmary, but he needs to see somebody.

By the Numbies

2: This time a year ago, Scottie Scheffler went into the Masters with Phoenix, Bay Hill and Match Play to his name. He was unequivocally the best player in the world with only Cam, JT and Rahm within shouting distance.

Through the first three months of this year? He’s been 2 strokes better per tournament than he was last year, and only Rahm has even been close to him. To put this in different terms: Scheffler has been the best driver in the world and the second best iron player. I’ll let Jason Day have the floor.

“I know that he's a good, solid putter, but if he was top 10 in putting, he'd dominate for a good, long while,” said Day.

Flagged

Quotes worth thinking about.

“I think you have to go through everything, right. Not every experience is going to be a good experience. I think that would lead to a pretty boring life.” -Rory McIlroy.

Believe that’s more or less what I wrote off the top. A lovely quote about life disguised as a quote about golf.

“You know, to me, there's nothing like it. It's everything to kind of re-fall in love with the game and enjoy working it back. You know, I don't feel I have all the weapons right now. But I have enough, and I'm continuing to work on the ones that I don't have, and I get a little better each day with them.” -Jordan Spieth

It’s a delight to watch other people fall in love with a craft. There are fewer people out here who truly love the craft than you might imagine, but Spieth is one of them. This is perhaps to his detriment at times, but that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch.

 Meme of the Week

No. 13, friends, well, it’s going to absolutely rock (although maybe not for Spieth off the tee). So many players this week have dropped “if, then” statements on their distance and choice. If I have 4 iron or longer, I’m laying up. If I have 5 iron or shorter, I’m letting it rip. That kind of thing.

What this means is that players are going to have a choice to make. I’m not sure it’s a true three-shot hole for anyone but you could play it as a three-shot hole if you want. Or you could not. Even short hitters could reach the green depending on the wind. That’s the definition of risk-reward. As Spieth said, “It's not very exciting if someone hits 7-, 8-iron into the middle of the green and 2-putts. You want to see someone hit it from further away or a harder shot.”

Thinking with clarity in the middle of a tournament is a skill that isn’t tested enough, one we don’t get to see enough. We will* this week.

*Pending weather

How is This App Free?

Some kid asked Spieth if he was gonna try something stupid during the Texas Open last weekend, which was pretty incredible, but yes, this is true …

That Easter weekend/Masters Sunday content is going to be extremely my wheelhouse …

This response below to the champions dinner photo slayed me. I don’t know why, but it got me so, so good.

The Pick

It feels inevitable.

Top Schef 2.

Thanks, Phil

I’ll be giving away a pair of TRUE kicks to a randomly drawn referrer (just use the link below) once we hit 5,000 subscribers (currently at 4,780). The more referrals you rack up, the better your chance to win!

If you’re new here, you can subscribe below.